I will never be a car reviewer.The Chrysler 300 . . . if you are looking for an unreliable car that nobody else that you know drives.This is my next car. Miata . . . I’m here, my love. I’ve missed you since last year.This is actually my next car. The Ford Transit. It has plenty of room to become a camper without all those seats. Good job, Ford.This is my next car, the Suburu Ascent. A spacious, comfy interior. Consumer Reports loves this car.This is my next car, the Lexus LS 500. This won hands down over it’s challenger . . .. . . the Genesis G90, another car Consumer Reports loves. I did not love the interior.The Lexus LS dashboard looks like you’re playing a video game.And now, the American muscle car category. Here’s Ford’s Shelby GT 500. Let’s see how it compares to a challenger . . . . . . a Dodge Challenger, that is. I think I prefer the Dodge. Is Camaro a worthy contender?No. No, it is not a contender. This is a car for tennis pros maybe.Not just any turds. Turd pros.I would like to formally apologize to Toyota for that juvenile outburst. Especially because they won my “Best of Show” with their new Supra, my next car,No disrespect meant to anyone who owns cars that I’m going to less than kind to. Like this Highlander. A sensible choice for a sensible person. It just gives you zero feels. Zero.I don’t know who you are trying to be, VW.I went into this store, and now I can say I’ve actually been inside a real life jigsaw puzzle.Kia’s area just left me perplexed.Ford’s F-Series, the king of trucks.I was super intrigued by this Ford Expedition. Just massive. Standing up against it, I came up to the bottom of the door.The interior is cavernous. It’s no camper, but I could camp in this.Booth people are simply mesmerizing to me. The way they talk . . . they’re following a memorized script in their best sales-y newscaster voice, the vocal timber rising and falling, just the perfect mix of appeal, earnest belief in the product, carefully chosen words and phrases designed to trigger your desire for the product. They’re like Ka (the snake) from the jungle book. But Chamois demonstrators are still my favorite people.Oh Hyundai Veloster . . .you should just make the back door extend to the roof and go whole hog on the blind spot.Beware the Mazda TrapThe Unfortunately Named Toyota 4 RunnerIs it me, or are the Corvette designers getting their design ideas from the Pixar Cars films?
